So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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