I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
