All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
