Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
