Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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