So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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