It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
