i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
