can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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