She is in my trunk
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
