So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
