I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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