Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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