I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
