Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
