dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
