i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
