I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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