i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
