so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
