Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
