Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
