Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Someone signed my nipple.
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