im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
