well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
