fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Bring me that man meat
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