Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
