kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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