whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
