his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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