My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
