I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
