I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
