It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
