what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
