Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
