the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
