there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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