I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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