Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
