how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
