he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
