Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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