i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
