Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
