wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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