I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
