Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
