he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
