just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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