ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
