She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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