We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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